The first time I bombed pt1

The ironic thing is that for seasoned comic, bombing is not a huge deal, but it was absolutely devastating to me the first time it happened. Before I forget what it felt like, here's the story:

It was at an open mic. I did the first joke, and got a couple of laughs. Next joke - dead silence. I pointed out that I wasn't sure if that was a great joke, which just made it worse if anything. At this point I wasn't happy, but I thought the next and last joke was the best one, so maybe I can wring a few laughs out of the audience. Again, stone dead faces throughout the whole thing, while in my head I'm going "c'mon, laugh". But looking insecure is usually death on stage. I sheepishly finished and sat back down. I've had individual jokes not do well before, but I've been to move on and maybe get a laugh on a subsequent joke. The sustained silence was different, and it was painful.

While in my chair, I was warm in the face, almost wanting to cry. It sounds melodramatic, but that's how it felt. The rest of the night buzzed by, and I had the distinct feeling that everyone else in that room didn't want me to be there. I felt that the people didn't just think that I wasn't funny, but that they also didn't like me personally. I left at 2am, and complained outside in front of the bar with another guy who also didn't do well. That helped a little. I then drove to a late night Taco Bell, and got myself some sympathy tacos.

From there it spiraled into thinking nothing I did was funny, and I had no business pursuing comedy. There are people who really want to do standup, and they just don't have "it". What if that's me, and I couldn't recognize it? For the next couple of days I was a little depressed, and then got angry. Screw those guys, why should I care what they think of me, if they hate me so much? That's when I realized I was being silly, and I needed to not worry about it so much.

There's a line of thought that open mics are only to practice being on stage. There's truth in that, but more truth for a seasoned/working comic. Here's what I mean; since I haven't had any chances to do shows for a "real" audience, open mics are where I've gotten any direct audience feedback. That's why I give it more weight than it merits, and why it hit me so hard.

It's like the breakup of your first real relationship. It's painful, but you almost need to have that happen to you to become an adult. The difference between bombing and a breakup is that bombing is something that happens quite often. So often, that your skin thickens up and it becomes not that big a deal at all, just a learning experience.

And I've learned a few things, two of which I covered in the "The Hard Way" post, but some more things that helped me "get over" feeling bad for myself.